December 18th, 2012
I DON’T KNOW HOW OR WHY, BUT YESTERDAY I SUCCESSFULLY CURSED A WAITER!
He turned into a KANGAROO. How DIABOLICAL — they are not even native to the region, he will have no idea how to deal with local predators.
THIS IS GLORIOUS! LOOK OUT, YOU STUPID WORLD! LOOK OUT, MEXICO! I’VE GOT PLENTY OF PENT UP EVIL TO UNLEASH!
…my cackle is far less effective in text.
December 2nd, 2012
Well, it would appear that Mexico has a new president as of…yesterday. Congratulations for that. Ruining all my plans. Bah.
I’ve decided to it is time to learn Spanish. If I’m going to be in Mexico – or anywhere south of the United States – I should know how to communicate properly. (I should probably learn some Portuguese as well, though that should come easily after knowing some Spanish from what I have gathered.)
What would be the best way to go about learning the language? I am aware that classroom Spanish is not necessarily the language that is spoken, and I also know that there is bound to be regional variance. Where should I start?
Specifically, I would like to know if there exist particular phrases that will help me in my eventual takeover of the world. That is, if I stay here. I would still prefer to go home.
December 1st, 2012
In the past several weeks, I have conducted various experiments with a substance called alcohol, specifically focusing on what happens when it enters the body in large quantities. Apparently, the answer is you wind up in a country where you don’t speak the language. I am just glad I brought a smartphone with me…though I must say, I can’t recall when or where I obtained it.
I don’t remember how I got to Sao Paolo, nor how I found myself the sole proprietor of a cactus shoppe, but it’s taken me up until now to reach the borders of the States again. The border guards are hesitant to let me back in, seeing as I am lacking a passport. The oafs are apparently unaware that I was a presidential candidate.
I find myself stuck in Mexico.
EDIT: These smartphones are too tiny to use with real hands! It took me ages to figure out how to do the accents in the phone. The city was actually São Paulo.
November 19th, 2012
I know I haven’t been posting. I can’t think of a reason to.
Everything I have been working towards has fallen apart. I can’t even find a way to get home. I NEED to get home. I don’t know what I will do if I am stuck in this empty, pathetic world longer.
November 7th, 2012
So that last burst of hope? Yeah, turns out, it came entirely from not understanding how these prediction maps work.
I hate your stupid world. No one appreciates what evil has to offer here.
I want to go home.
November 6th, 2012
I can’t believe it! I thought our chances were slim, but… just look at these projections I got after messing with the presidential calculator!
LOOK AT ALL THAT GREEN! THE PROJECTIONS CAN’T BE WRONG! I’M THE NEXT WIZARD!
CHANGE IS COMING TO THIS BLASTED COUNTRY WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!
November 5th, 2012
It didn’t work. I can’t do it.
The moment I write Oz or myself into the context of a story, everything I have been writing disappears. Just like that — Poof! — all my work, gone. Tried three times, then thought about calling up Microsoft to complain about this glitch in Word, but…
Who am I kidding. This isn’t a glitch in Word. It may even be more along the lines of Magic, but Oz knows it’s not a form of magic I like.
I can’t read stories about me. They appear blank. The moment the story I’m writing becomes about me, I can’t see it. I even tried using an alias, thinking I could do find-replace after… even that didn’t work.
Looks like we’re stuck depending on you guys, after all. Though I’m not exactly sure how I’m supposed to read your works, either. Maybe this “Mr. Administrator” has some way to bypass the blankness, I don’t know. I’m very frustrated right now.
That said, I really appreciate the extent to which you guys are going to make me comfortable with the process. I’ll give any notes possible to ensure I have a suitably evil homecoming.
November 4th, 2012
I apologize for not being around. I’ve been… distracted. Election day is around the corner, after all, and as my campaign managers seem to have become preoccupied I’ve been doing my best to make a final push. I’ve been trying to host a few rallies, but everyone who shows up just seems very confused. To be frank, I’m increasingly depressed about my victory prospects. People here just don’t appreciate the value of evil.
I did see something interesting on your forum today, however. A suggestion that we may be able to re-fictionalize ourselves with stories we create, rather than waiting around for you people. This certainly sounds appealing — I for one, have had enough of waiting. I have done some research into how re-fictionalization works, and I believe I will attempt it tonight.
October 28th, 2012
Two discoveries. One, I have no idea how you people find your way around on foot. All your roads are the same color, how does anyone tell them apart? In New York, at least the subway lines were different colors…
Second discovery. Legends has the worst shoe selection in the multiverse. While several of their shoes were shiny, not a single one was made out of actual silver. In fact, for some reason they kept trying to give me RED shoes. Why would I want red shoes? And they claim to know what’s fashionable.
I have filed a complaint. It’s not as effective as cursing, but it’s the best I can do here.
October 28th, 2012
I have developed a new hypothesis. Random fictional transportation doesn’t work, but your science has failed as well.
Maybe the wardrobe and the mirror won’t work because they are not connected to me. I got here by a twister; that was a common method of transport back in my universe.
So now I think I need to try the other. SHOES. It always comes back to shoes, doesn’t it? Now if only I can find the right pair…